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Thread: Joke for the day

  1. #3401
    Quote Originally Posted by Joel View Post
    I met a beautiful girl down at the local park today. Sparks flew and she fell at my feet. We ended up having sex there and then. I love my new taser.
    I'm arresting you for murdering my car you dyke digging tosspot

  2. #3402
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    Stephen King has a son named Joe.
    I'm not joking, but he is.
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Benz
    Nige would be turning in his shed
    Quote Originally Posted by Nige
    Have you seen my bottom nuts?

  3. #3403
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    I held a surprise bukkake party for my wife last night.
    Everyone came.
    You should've seen her face.


    I just ordered a book about Tantric Sex positions on Amazon. Itís going to take ages to come.


    Guy goes to the pharmacist and asks what exactly Viagra does. Pharmacist tells him it improves blood flow and reduces erectile dysfunction.
    Guy asks if he can get it over the counter and Pharmacist tells him, "Maybe, if you take two"


    Wife: I have something to tell you. I'm pregnant.
    Husband: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
    Wife: No, you're not.
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Benz
    Nige would be turning in his shed
    Quote Originally Posted by Nige
    Have you seen my bottom nuts?

  4. #3404
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    Iíve been learning how to guess the weight of dogs. Picked up a few pointers, and always make my estimates by the pound.
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Benz
    Nige would be turning in his shed
    Quote Originally Posted by Nige
    Have you seen my bottom nuts?

  5. #3405
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Benz
    Nige would be turning in his shed
    Quote Originally Posted by Nige
    Have you seen my bottom nuts?

  6. #3406
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    Bought myself a toilet brush last week.

    Long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper.
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Benz
    Nige would be turning in his shed
    Quote Originally Posted by Nige
    Have you seen my bottom nuts?

  7. #3407
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    Gary Barlow's decided to block me on Twitter.

    Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Benz
    Nige would be turning in his shed
    Quote Originally Posted by Nige
    Have you seen my bottom nuts?

  8. #3408
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    A Scotsman goes on a skiing holiday in Canada. He ends the day at the bar at the base of the mountain. He's about 6+ whiskeys deep when he looks up to see a stuffed animal head with antlers on the wall.

    He asks the bartender, “What the f*ck’s that?”

    Bartender replies, “A moose”

    Scotsman responds, “F*ck me! How big are the cats?!”
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Benz
    Nige would be turning in his shed
    Quote Originally Posted by Nige
    Have you seen my bottom nuts?

  9. #3409
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    You really have to read it with a scots accent tho
    If a man speaks his mind in a forest and no woman hears him...is he still wrong ?

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