View Full Version : Another oldie

31-05-2005, 07:24 AM
Posted on Ringers a few years back but a few of you won't have seen it. :)

Be warned, reasonably long, but fun :-)

Last night, I was thinking of the „good old days“, when men where men and Jocke was...well Jocke I suppose ;-)

Anyway, if you have ten minutes and fancy a chuckle, then let me tell you a story, it’s even somewhat „on topic“.. ;-)

Back in the mid to late eighties (I guess), my parents used to love to have a family get together at Christmas for a jolly good argument, people of all shapes and sizes would come to our house and stay for as long as they could before my Dad lost patience and started looking for a club hammer or some such instrument.

One particlar Christmas *us men*, decided that it would be a good idea to have a race on the Nordschleife! A plan was hatched over a few Barrels during the evening and we were secretly looking forward to the next day, ie. Boxing Day.
The next morning arrives, we are all having breakfast, someone has even given Granny a roll to suck on, my Dad states that he’s just got to go and fill the car with petrol in Barweiler, my uncle Lucky (dads brother) also has to fill his car up, my cousin Nick needs to put his car through the car wash, and I tag along because I need to buy some Fags and watch my cousin use the car wash. Whilst the wives, girlfreinds, mothers and aunties are all looking confused and are desperately trying to work out whats going on, the men are already starting their engines and are off, out of the village, straight up the hill, past the petrol station and turning in to the start for a GP/NS lap at the end of December, with snow on the ground.. ;-)

The main event.

Dad - 300 E Mercedes (tastefully lowered)
Me - XR3i (White, real Gay Boys Car)
Lucky – Old Granada estate
Nick – Renault 21 Turbo

We drive up to the freezing cold, 300 year old Gentleman at the start, „Good Morning Fritz, hows the track?“
„It’s a bit icy in places“, „oh ok, four tickets please“. Fritz sells us the tickets and waits while we are allowed to LINE THE CARS UP NEXT TO EACH OTHER for the start!!!!
So, here we are then, right, I look across at Dad, he has a knowing grin on his face, I look across at Lucky, is he dribbling? I look at my cousin Nick, he looks very determined, he casts me a glance, sticks up two fingers and floors it ;-)
Luckily, as the cars were so varied, we did’nt all arrive at T4 at the same time and were therefore able to thunder down towards the Südkehre, this is as good as it gets, an empty track and racing your relatives! Up to the Bitburger Kurve and Dad is going like the clappers, then me, Nick right on my tail and lastly Lucky who appears to have left his handbrake on ;-) I can see my Dad pulling away and I know that to stand any chance, I’ve got to pass him before we get on the Nordschleife, I decide not to break for the veedol chikane and go straight over it, this is serious stuff and I bloody well get him, stick up a finger, only to see that my mad cousin has followed my line and is side by side with my dad =:-O

Onto the Nordschleife with me in the lead, then Dad, Nick, and Lucky apparently lost ;-) The first icy patch is at Hocheichen woooooooh, we’re all still on the track, going from Schwedenkreuz to Aremberg my Dad passes me smiling, he might as well be reading the paper and having a bloody cup of tea, I bet he‘s listening to Brahms or something!! At Adenauer Forst I repeat a habit thats been with me for years and take the „ballet in the middle of the corner“ line, spin spin spin, clump, bounce..., right, where were we, toot toot, Nicks just gone past, bugger, still no sign of Lucky though!
Onward and upward, no change in the positions until a fantastically brave outbreaking manouver by Nick at Breidscheid of all places (turns out later that his brake fluid was a tad hot and he actually did’nt have any brakes at that point) =:-O So we enter the uphill climb, Nick, Dad, Me, and Lucky probably somewhere near Bonn ;-)
Stay on the gas, stay on the gas, stay on the gas, what the f*ck is Nick doing at the Karussel, out he pops, BIG moment, ha ha ha ha, vroom 300E, vroom XR3i, and that my freinds, was how it finished,.....well, not quite ;-)

The aftermath;
You remember Lucky don’t you, well his fanbelt went before he even got to the Südkehre, we had to get a fanbelt from the garage, go back to his car, fit it, and go back home about two hours later than planned. „Where the bloody hell have you been“ they asked politely! „Well we’ve been to the, errr, racetrack! My uncle Lucky’s wife goes very red, he goes slightly transluscent, BOOM.....then my auntie Anna joins in...BOOM!!!!

Lucky is looking very sorry for himself, me Nick & Dad are pissing ourselves laughing, that’s it Lucky has had enough, „I’m going home he declares“, his wife continues arguing as they get into the Granada Estate. Reverse, throttle....BOOM.....he backs straight into auntie Annas Morris Minor (Mable) turning it into a somewhat Minor Morris ;-)

Karl (aka Sir Bastard).. :)
A true story!

31-05-2005, 09:07 AM
Good story Karl :D, remind me, which part of the track did you help construct :P

It's funny how it's a bloke thing that you 'pop out' for an hour in the car & get back 3 to 4 hours later, the misses is fuming but you can't see what the problem is as you have only been ' 5 minutes' :blink:

Different if the just 'pop' up the shops for a hour thou :(

31-05-2005, 06:33 PM
I am sat here, pissing myself laughing at that. :D

Thanks Karl. Great story.

06-12-2008, 09:44 AM
You like commas don't you ? :D

06-12-2008, 10:40 AM
Great stuff :lol:


06-12-2008, 12:16 PM
For god sake don't let jim see this :lol: :lol: the punctuation police :whistle:

06-12-2008, 05:11 PM
Excellant read and a great story!!

(Oops I said the F word) the apostraphe boy :whistle: